I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.
If your grandfather’s reaction to you getting engaged to the love of your life was “I’m sorry” would you ever want to see him again? If he told your dad (his only son) that he had failed as a parent because he didn’t force you to go to church and this awful thing happened, would you even want anything to do with him? I don’t even know how to react to this. I thought family was supposed to love each other unconditionally. Maybe things would be different if I had ever felt even an ounce of love from this man, but I just can’t find it in myself to face him - I don’t think I am capable of being the bigger person in this situation. My aunt said she hopes that I won’t blacklist them, but I don’t see how I’m the one doing the blacklisting here. Does she really expect me to show up to family gatherings after my grandpa has essentially disowned me? He asked my dad if going to college had helped me find a boy to fall in love with (AFTER he was told that I am engaged to a girl). He’s clearly not ok with who I am and I don’t think I should be expected to be ok with who he is (an asshole).
Not paying bills
I require 38 hours of sleep a day and there are only 24 hours in a day so you see my problem here.
I find it crazy how any of us can die at any moment yet we live our lives always planning for the future
I keep seeing all my friends doing things and having fun together, and it just makes me feel so so shitty and left out. I hate Facebook. I hate that all my good friends who actually care about me live too far away to even talk to. Everyone in Guelph either blows me off or forgets about me completely.
No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough